I don't like doctors, okay

Okay. A solution has been found. I can go to India after all.

Mr Army Dude Trip Co-ordinator found a form that I can sign on my own behalf, which will suffice in place of the doctor's form. It's a two-page form, stating that I really, really, really, really promise that, to the best of my knowledge, it is unlikely that I will spontaneously combust whilst on the trip.

He most earnestly recommends, however, that I continue my search for a family doctor. 'Cause your health is important, you know...